Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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