I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
