'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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