We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
