Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize