i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
