this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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