dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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