i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
