I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
