when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
