so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Randomize
