Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
