I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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