Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
