Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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