Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
