She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
