i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
