im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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