How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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