and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
