btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
