the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize