Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
