Im at strip club and am horny
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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