I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
