Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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