our cab driver is having phone sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
