So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Your mouth is God's brothel.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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