I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
