when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize