and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize