her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
