fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
