Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
its not stalking. its research.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
