your room smells of hookers.
And success
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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