i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
