Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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