im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
