this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
