all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
