let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
