There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
