how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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