I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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