I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
