Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize