I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
