You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
