i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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