insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
