She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
