just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
