she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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