I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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