ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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