So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
