everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The power of my boobs compel you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
