the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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