Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
