After last night, I could never be a politician.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
